Breakdown in Philly
I’m back from Thanksgiving in Philly, where I managed to wish Merry Christmas to like three Jews. You could blame this on my Minnesota upbringing, but really I just temporarily lost my mind.
I’m not very sociable. No good at cocktail parties. But I spent an entire week with the Manly Fireplug’s enormous, garrulous, and enormously garrulous Irish Catholic clan. Not one of them is an introvert. All of them love to talk. Nonstop. At high volume. At the same time. Get eighteen of them in a room, feed them booze and turkey, and measure the oncoming decibels. I now refer to them, collectively, as THE WALL OF SOUND.
Since I rejuice my batteries by hanging out alone most days, a full week of the WALL OF SOUND was a psychological experiment which my brain more or less failed by the fourth day. That night we went to the Fireplug’s 30th high school reunion, where I attempted to make small talk and act the charming trophy husband for three hours, all without the aid of seven shots of Jack Daniels. By the end I could only offer the same three or four sentences to each schoolmate, one of those sentences being, naturally, “Have a Merry Christmas.”
Day seven my motherboard shorted out completely, and I sat quietly drooling at brunch with THE WALL OF SOUND. Fortunately this was the kind of high class all-you-can-eat buffet type brunch, where everything looked like it was made on Top Chef, and so I just stumbled like a zombie from pork belly to paté to pineapple bursts without drawing too much attention to myself.
The Fireplug read my book on the plane, there and back. I hadn’t let anyone read it in two years. Just a few more small changes and I’ll let a few others read it too. So friggin’ close now, after 5-7 years of toiling over the damn thing, depending on your definition of starting point. Hopefully after a couple of days of solitude my brain will work again. If not the Fireplug can just stick me in a nursing home and sell my book to pay the bills. Or at least next month’s gas bill.
As far as in-laws go, that sounds like you kept it together pretty damn well. Families don’t mean to make you crazy, they just do. Or so I’m told. Congrats on being so close to the finish line with your book!
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 pmSince putting you in a nursing home would be an expense, I bet he’ll just pimp you out. A lot of guys would pay for the strong silent type.
December 4th, 2009 at 3:57 pmWell I am really glad to hear you are getting the book where you want it. I hope one day to read it. All you can do is deal with family situations as best as you can, it’s never easy. Hugs to you both and hope you two have a very Merry Christmas.
December 8th, 2009 at 11:11 amMicheal. Thank-you for making me laugh – really out loud. The “Wall of Sound”. Yes.. that is it! We have one too! Not the Brandner side though.. as you know well.
Very happy and proud that your book is almost there!
December 10th, 2009 at 11:06 pmIt’s never finished until SOMEONE ELSE JERKS IT OUT OF THE TYPEWRITER.
I think the Manly Fireplug has a new job to do.
January 8th, 2010 at 4:46 pm