Crazy
January 20th, 2010
So I’ve been a little quiet around here lately. I started this blog over nine years ago, and I only seem to grow less inclined to share my every thought with the internet as the years go by. Whether this is due to getting older, or due to all the work I’ve poured into the book instead, is not entirely clear.
But all things considered a little recent silence makes sense. No easy way to say it; after three and a half years together the Manly Fireplug and I decided last week to end our relationship. We started out as friends, several years before, and we both feel that might have been a better fit for our very different personalities. And that’s all I’m going to say about the reasons why. Some things aren’t meant for internet consumption.
And after the decision comes regret, relief, second thoughts, sleepless nights, skipped meals, reheated meals, meals picked up from a drive-thru window. An overwhelming urge to hide. Friends and families to inform. Desktop photos to change. Bad TV and Playstation 3. Sad songs in the car on repeat. A disappointed dog. The many ties to disentangle. Occasional conversations with very hot boys that only make clear what you’ve just given up. The break-up is about as amicable as one could hope but as a friend put it, amicable doesn’t mean easy.
With him I saw Philadelphia, Tahoe, Palm Springs, and Minneapolis. We slept in a hotel in Los Angeles. We ate at shrimp shacks on Oahu and noodle shops in Japantown. We bought Carhartt shirts in Manhattan and sun tan lotion on the Jersey Shore. We walked the manicured streets of Disneyworld and drove the narrow roads of Ireland.
He taught me confidence. He taught me to pay people more compliments. To hold apologies for only those things that require apologies. To take pride in what I’ve accomplished. To be more forgiving of my family. To ask for the kind of sex I’ve always wanted. He saw the best and the worst in me. He charmed my friends and my fathers and he cut my hair every damn week for free. He sat beside me in the ER when my lung collapsed. He never asked me to give it all up for a normal job. He urged me to finish the book, and with his support I did.
“I’m glad we tried,” I told him.
“We would have been crazy not to,” he replied.
Sorry hear this bub, but it seems that your respect for each other has survived and that’s the important thing.
You are shitting me.
I’m sorry to hear of the end of your relationship. I wish you the best during this transition. Be gentle with yourself. Peace.
HUGS. I am sorry for both of you.
Sad to hear. Wishing you well.
Sounds like a successful relationship to me. I bet he has an equally long list of how much he benefited from being with you. Who the hell decided to measure success based on longevity?
Change says hello to the future and goodbye to the past. Optimistic and sad.
What a beautiful post. I cannot say the same things about my past partner. Move forward remembering the wonderful influence he had on your life. That is more important than anything. Big hugs.
For you both I am very sad. Grieve, and celebrate what was. Things learned, given, received, won, lost. A time for rending and a time for repairing. A time to gather, a time to loose.
Prayers ascend.
I am sad to hear this, yet feel somewhat intrusive even saying so. As a longtime follower, thank you for sharing both the ups and the downs. I wish I could give you a hug.
Man. Hey yawl had a good run. And a lot of fun.
We had a great run, no regrets.
Thanks guys for the good thoughts.
So sorry to hear of this, Michael!
mike- i wanted to say something like “oh, i’m so sorry to hear…” or “wow, i can’t believe it…”, instead, i will just say; it was what it was. glad to see that you can say that on-line. it is true that not everything is the web. keep to yourself and think nice thoughts…
i have many stories that i can share with you about my life and how it is close to what you are going thru, so if you want to hear from another person about life, just hit me up.
i also broke up with my buddy in wisconsin. it was the hardest thing i had to do, but i did it because it had to be done. i’m still alive and i still love him and i still miss him, but as corny as it sounds, life does go on (as much as i hate sometimes).
keep you chin up buddy and just try to look forward, because backwards never is a good thing for too long.
take care and remember; one day at a time.
snoop
Love to you.
And Manly.
Very courageous of both of you.
– Deb
My heart’s hurtin’, Mikey. Forge ahead & our best to you both.
Hugs, life well it’s always full of happiness and sadness, we just have to savor it all. Hugs
I hope that you can maintain the friendship. The rest is really none of my business. *big hugs* to ya and hit me up on PS3 anytime for a round of gaming.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My best to you both.
This is beautiful. SOrry to hear your transition, but it sounds like you have grown tremendously. Sending you warm, healing energy, Michael.
I’m impressed. So many relationships dawdle on and on, they cascade downwards becoming co-dependent or dysfunctional in other way(s). Having the ability to end or change the parameters of something that means a great deal to you is vitally important in life. It models high skill at “dispassion for the physical”, it helps us and others develop, progress, self-actualize, etc. This skill can be applied to, diet, addictions, and other things that are difficult attractors. When we give up or cut down on something we love, we feel the loss because that stimulus helped us maintain homeostasis. Turns out, by giving something up and instead choosing what we believe will truly bring about progress for all involved, life is vastly advanced.
Initial phases might not be easy although sometimes they’re not too bad. Diagnose what’s going on (e.g., moods, feelings, behaviors, patterns, etc.) and do what you can to get the best results.
People report truly excellent results from the daily practice of Transcendental Meditation. For one thing, it develops the ability to let go of stress. It clears the mind which then, in turn, clears the way.
Finally, in conclusion, in summary – I’m not making any claim that the above ideations are applicable across the board for all individuals. Thankfully, all of us are indeed different (at least in some important respects) and various approaches have their strong and weak points. I did, however, want to leave a note to express my symphony.
I’m sorry that I somehow missed this. And I’m sorry for you and MF. But this post speaks volumes about how great the relationship was and how emotionally honest you are. I wish for the best to both of you.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve read anyones blog and you just happen to come to mind today. I know this is kind of late, but I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the ending of your relationship. It’s never easy. I’m happy that it was an amicable breakup and I hope that the two of you remain friends. Big hugs to you.
Ugh. Words suck in situations like these so just ugh.
[hug]
I’m sorry. I wish you both peace with your decision–and healing.