Waiting
So January pretty much sucked. That’s as articulate as I can be on the subject. I don’t know why I was surprised at how tough that month turned out, considering recent heartbreak. But surprised I was, and while nursing a mildly annoying cold I logged more hours on Playstation 3 than I’d care to admit. Makes sense though; for a while you can be a different person, in a different world, working towards concrete, clearly delineated goals, all in the comfort etc, etc.
Playstation 3 also distracted me while I waited a few weeks to hear back from friends who were reading my book. Fortunately the feedback was all I could have hoped for, more or less, and now comes a fresh round of waiting. Today I mailed my book to the first literary agent on my list of potentials.
These days the big publishing houses won’t even read manuscripts unless they come from an agent. You could go the self-publishing route, an option that’s become much more viable in the past couple of years. But I’m a writer, not a businessman, and I could use somebody on my side to navigate the industry.
When looking for an agent, they suggest casting your net wider than one at a time. But for this first guy I’m going off my gut. One of the fringe benefits of getting my MFA at Columbia was its proximity to the publishing industry, and I met more than a few agents at horribly awkward cocktail parties. Imagine seventy desperate, insecure, socially awkward writers pitching their books to six agents. It was like six chunks of meat dropped into a shark tank.
But this guy I liked. He had a great reputation, a good sense of humor about the industry – which seems almost necessary these days – and he said he’d like to read the book when I was ready. I’m about as ready as I’ll ever be.
I sent him the first 50 pages, standard practice, with a letter that attempted to condense my 300-page memoir into a couple of sentences. And now I wait as my envelope works its way through the pile on his desk. We’ll see if he likes it enough to request the rest of the book, in which case more waiting…
I can’t quite begin to express the significance of this moment. I’ve been writing this book for over five years, and over that time I have gradually transferred all of my eggs into this one basket, fueled by little more than daydreams, blind hope, and the conviction that this is the only thing I’m really cut out for in this world. I’ve done what I can, now the rest is out of my hands.
During the worst period of my life I fought endless battles with various civilizations on my computer, clicking away at the mouse so much my shoulder ached terribly. But the shoulder pain kept me from thinking about the thoughts that swirled through my head. I would play until I was physically exhausted.
February 12th, 2010 at 2:49 pmThis is fueled by a lot more than daydreams and blind hope. Don’t forget talent, training, and preparation. You are ready. Best of luck, m’dear.
February 12th, 2010 at 4:47 pm“So also it is written… ” Yeah, I think Paul said that in the New Testament speaking about some resurrection or something. I know, gross. Kudos on the sendoff! One more step from the drudgery of personal experience into the blind and unrewarding bliss of immortality, as I see it at least. Surely, this is the only thing you are cut out for. You’re a writer, not a businessman. The flesh became word. Now you are both. Much more difficult, divine, and real than the other way around; don’t ya think?
Hang in there as you wait, wait, wait. You rock. You inspire. It’s kinetic.
(Sorry for the Christian references. I forgot to watch porn last night and I’m not myself this morning. I’ve got to go back to sleeping until noon.)
February 13th, 2010 at 10:45 amhurry up and wait!
hey mike, glad to hear you are up and about. good.
the waiting game is always the hardest. i use to play videos way back when, but sorry to say, i don’t own any of them. i guess i could use one of them now with everything going with me too. oh, but i remember kicking butt…it was fun. esp. when you had friends to play with. i think now you can even play over the net with people you don’t even know.
“it was like 6 chunks of meat…” excellent shilthers! i think you hit that one right on the head (no pun intended). yea, i know exactly what you mean by not being a ‘businessman’. i hate that aspect of being a one man show. i don’t think i’ve ever sold any of my artwork. i’ve giving it all away, but not anymore buddy. the times are a chancing.
just remember to look into the eyes of you loving little dog and give him a kiss because i’m quite sure he has been there for you in these times of need. i sure miss my dog. i can honestly say he saved my life a couple of times. now, i just have his pet cat to look after. she is all i have to remind me of him. but i love her too. i can send you a pic if you’d like.
and you know what sucks even more? that it’s winter. winter always makes things worst. we’ve been hit with some heavy snow. but i don’t care anymore. i love it now. come to think if it, i never did mind the snow, it was the cold that killed me.
oh well, hang it there buddy and keep killing those monsters or old ladys (depending on what game you are playing…). just remember to go pee at some point (ha ha). i think you will be asked for the other half of your book.
take care mike.
February 13th, 2010 at 12:22 pmWell hoping it all goes well for you. I have always been impressed with your writing so I look forward to seeing it in print one day. Well have you vanquished all the foes of the games? Don’t hide so much from the world though, start looking for that next book. It’s waiting for you outside your door.
Hugs
February 16th, 2010 at 1:06 pmJim