So, Yeah, Fuck It

February, fell down a rabbit hole. Turned around to take a hard look at some hard times and fell head-first.

Kept

falling. Every time I thought I’d hit the bottom I just kept going. I honestly didn’t think it would be this hard.

I’m crazy now. Or crazier, maybe, than I used to be. Me and Alice, down here in the hole. Mentally ill by definition. No straightjackets down here – I tried to get a bed in the loony bin, forgetting that we’d already shut them all down.

So I sit in a law firm by day, sipping my tea with all the Mad Hatters, quietly going bananas in a Banana Republic shirt. I do make this look pretty good.

Chronic PTSD, that’s the label they’ve pinned on me / I have a punch card at the pharmacy.

That’s the lullaby we sing at night, down here in our rabbit hole. It’s been a while – since we last spoke I’ve kept my husband and said good-bye to most of my family. But to you I wanted to say hello.

13 thoughts on “So, Yeah, Fuck It

  1. Hugs from a stranger who thinks you’re awesome, good-hearted and amazingly gifted. Seriously hoping you’ll get out of this rabbit hole soon.

  2. We all go a little mad sometimes, so you’re in good company. But you’re here, and that, above all else, is what is important. Welcome back.

  3. Hey, Mike. Good to have you back – you’re missed, believe me. Know how difficult this battle is; hope you’ll continue fightin’ till you break through completely. Please know that there’s a lotta folks out there who love ya immensely and want the hurting to stop (or at least ease up). Stay strong & call on us if there’s ANYTHING we can do to help.

  4. This made me cry a bit: for you, and (I’ll admit) for me (a fellow family-abuse PTSD-sufferer)…. But mostly, it made me relieved to hear you’re still kicking.

  5. I think you’re awesome and inspiring, and I’m so glad you’ve resurfaced here. I have often wondered what became of you.

    Make no mistake about it, what you’ve been through has been awful and traumatic and you are 1000% entitled to feel everything you are feeling these days. Just know that you are loved and cared for and there are people out here who only want the best for you…. And we’ll still be here when you come out the other side.

    Honestly there’s a whole community here that is pulling for you, so if you need anything, all you have to do is ask…

  6. Hello Mike. Checked in here for you frequently, and am damn sure glad to hear you haven’t abandoned blog land like so many others. Hoping 2014 is better to you. Happy Holidays / Merry Christmas / and Happy New Years to you and your Favorite Barber. And a hearty “Agreed!” for what Donovan says in the comment above.

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