Every once in a while you can still stumble across a whole new way to waste time on the internet. Today I drove the Manly Fireplug up to Sacramento and back so that he could get his barber license transferred to his new shop (more on this soon).  Along the way we listened to REM and when he asked me what the hell Michael Stipe was saying in the chorus of “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight,” we pulled the lyrics up on my Blackberry, and then came across a few listener interpretations, which I  would like to share with you.

First the lyrics:
“This here is the place I will be staying.
There isn’t a number. You can call the pay phone.
Let it ring a long, long, long, long time.
If I don’t pick up, hang up, call back, let it ring some more.
If I don’t pick up, pick up…
The sidewinder sleeps, sleeps, sleeps in a coil
(chorus)
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.

There are scratches all around the coin slot
like a heartbeat, baby trying to wake up,
but this machine can only swallow money.
You can’t lay a patch by computer design.
It’s just a lot of stupid, stupid signs.

Tell her,
tell her she can kiss my ass,
then laugh and say that you were only kidding.
That way she’ll know that it’s really, really, really, really me.

Baby, instant soup doesn’t really grab me.
Today I need something more sub-sub-sub-substantial.
A can of beans or blackeyed peas, some Nescafe and ice,
a candy bar, a falling star, or a reading of Doctor Seuss;

The cat in the hat came back, wrecked a lot of havoc on the way,
always had a smile and a reason to pretend.
But their world has flat backgrounds and little need to sleep but to dream.
The sidewinder sleeps on his back.”

Sportcarder’s interpretation: “Definitely about a broken payphone..sidewinger is the phone cord (handset to box)…coin slot broken…call me back let it ring. Maybe bigger picture is this is drug-related. A person lives a poor life in a beat-up apartment with a phone booth down the end of the hall.”

ZinbobDan: “i think it’s pretty simple…this girl is giving him the cold soldier and he wants to call her…”

StarmanDX: “‘I’ve always thought it was about a missile launch, the guy wanting to be called as a warning, a sidewinder being a type of missile…”

Musicexplorer: “This track is Brilliant it’s words are full of humour and catchy melodies. It really about a homeless person who knows a girl who rings him now and then by the payphone. In verse 2 its like he asks someone else to wring her and tell her ‘she can kiss me ass…’”

Mero: “A friend of mine had me convinced the chorus was “Commie Italian Baker, huh.”

Legendracula: “A guy cant’ stay at his house anymore(evicted) and has to keep his pets sidewinder at his friends house. The friend has to do a REALLY good job of taking care of the snake, and if he ever has to wake it up, he better call mike. He keeps calling to check on the snake, hence the scratches on the coin slot. Maybe mike likes the friend to talk to the snake to, and to know that it’s really mike on the phone, the friend has to joke with the snake like mike would. tell her she can kiss my ass! etc The friend also has to feed the snake something “substantial” and – yes, read to the snake. In the end, the friend didn’t do such a good job, maybe because he fed the snake black eyed peas. The sidewinder doesnt’ sleep in a coil anymore.. he sleeps on his back… yep he’s dead.”