An article I wrote for BARtab magazine. You can read it in its entirety on BARtab’s site.
Local Celebs’ Heavenly and Hellish Holidays
by Michael McAllister
The holiday season is upon us, bringing cold rain, pretty lights, and familial obligations. Maybe you get a little sentimental, putting on Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, or forking out $4.75 for a Venti-sized Gingerbread Latte. Whatever your preferred trigger, memories of holidays past can come rushing back to warm or haunt you. BARtab asked some locals about their own memories of past holiday get-togethers.
Fudgie Frottage, drag king legend and the man with “the biggest balls in show business,” several years ago foolishly allowed himself to be persuaded to meet his girlfriend’s parents in Sacramento for Thanksgiving. “I was assured her mother was a fantastic cook and that it would be well worth it,” he says. “Oddly, when we arrived, the house did not have the pleasant aroma of a bird or anything at all roasting in the oven. I inquired and was told she was cooking a turkey breast instead of a complete bird. The stuffing was generic Stove Top, out of a bag. The potatoes were boiled for hours before being mashed and drenched with liquid margarine. And there were no vegetables whatsoever, not even in the fridge! The one bottle of wine I brought did not last into the meal, which was served on paper plates! Both her Mother and sister were chain-smoking the entire time. After dinner, one of my girlfriend’s nieces, who was developmentally challenged, sat and watched the movie Forrest Gump and recited every word of the script verbatim. Two hours after dinner, her father went into the bathroom and proceeded to hurl loudly for at least 20 minutes. It sounded like he was turning inside out, and it lasted on and off, for hours, yet no one but me seemed concerned in the least – I guess the uncooked piece of turkey breast he ate is a family tradition…”
Read the rest of the article here on BARtab’s site.