Shortly after my last post, Lee called me from Minneapolis to tell me that Mom is having another very hard day, like the one over Christmas. Her voice broke a bit when she was talking. I wasn’t sure what to say, the unspoken sentiment being, is it serious enough for me to fly home again? We agreed to talk in the morning. Apparently it’s not pnemonia, Lee says it seems like Mom’s just tired, and that, like her other muscles, her lungs are having a difficult time functioning. (See here if you are curious about ALS).
So it may be a long night ahead. Nothing like being thousands of miles away to intensify those feelings of powerlesness. I am feeling rather stoic, though. Life seems so, complicated, I guess. For lack of a better word. I wish I could be more descriptive, but the words are failing me. I love my mother, fiercly, but I want her suffering to end.
Just got a message from her minister now, suggesting that if I want to say something or read something at her service, to start thinking of what I’d like to say. (i.e. sum up your mother’s life and what she meant to you in a few words, starting….now.)
Time to do a little soul-searching.