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Saturday night, Mom’s been gone about 24 hours now and I’m tired and not terribly emotional, nor articulate.

She died about an hour and a half before my plane landed, I got the message as I was waiting to get off the plane, not the greatest environment, but I concentrated on getting over to their house, where Lee and a house full of their friends greeted me, and she told me that her body was still there if I cared to see it, and warned me how she might look. Despite that the sight of her body, so pale and lifeless, hit me like rock and I broke down next to her bed. Her hand was still a bit warm so I held it and just cried for a bit while people came in and out offering their condolences.

The Neptune Society came by around midnight and took the body to be cremated today. Apparently Lee ran into a problem with the coroner’s office, who would not release the body to her as she was not a recognized “next of kin”. Idiots. They had cops wait until I got there, then left us alone. Makes you want to firebomb a Republican’s home.

The service will be held in a week, so I have plenty of time now to help out, tie up loose ends, etc. Lee wanted the bed moved back upstairs and I helped move all of Mom’s “equipment” (wheelchairs, commode, IV stand, walker, etc) out into the garage. Seemed important to Lee to make the change quickly, and it didn’t bother me as I don’t really want to remember my Mom as she was when all of that equipment was necessary. Now she’s free.

I’m supposed to meet with her minister in the morning, I’m not sure if it’s just to talk or to plan the service, but she’s been good to me ever since my Mom’s diagnosis over two years ago. Other things I need to do this coming week: get a haircut, get my shirt and pants dry cleaned for the service, maybe get a week’s pass at a gym so I can get back on the treadmill. And, somewhere in there, let this reality sink in.

Susan McAllister
December 21, 1946- February 1, 2002