The coffee shop on Noe Street where I go to “write” has the same bathroom graffiti as the Hungarian Pastry Shop in my old neighborhood back in New York. Earnest Bush jokes, missed connections, and bad philosophy. This coffee shop, however, has a dish of condoms in the bathroom. I preferred the Hungarian’s chocolate eclairs.

Unlike the Hungarian, this coffee shop has free wireless. And electrical outlets. And according to my computer’s little scanner, there are two other nearby wireless accounts; “NoePlaceLikeHome” and “Surrender Dorothy.” If you can’t guess the neighborhood, well, there’s really no hope for you. People here take their Oz a little too seriously.

So, one month later, I haven’t missed New York once. A couple of New Yorkers, well, yeah, okay, twist my arm. But the tornado seems to have dropped me off in the right place.

And that’s why you come here: for my stunning metaphors.

To-Do List, New York City Days:

1. Wake Up
2. Drink coffee bleary-eyed while reading the Times online
3. Read emails and plan on answering them, like, later. When I have more “writerly energy.” Or something.
4. Realize it’s so dark in the apartment that I’m slowly turning into Sylvia Plath.
5. Turn on lamp
6. Make some oatmeal.
7. Read 200 pages of Proust.
8. Go to class.
9. Write chapter ten of the book.
10. Do some research for the fellowship job.
10. Finish Proust in bed.
11. Turn off lamp.

To-Do List, San Francisco:

1. Wake up.
2. Open my bedroom curtains; squint at the morning light bathing the hills. Peek down at the plants on the back deck. They’re still alive.
3. Drink coffee bleary-eyed while reading the Times online.
4. Read emails. Answer them, like, later.
5. Take Louie for a walk.
6. Drink protein shake.
7. Go to gym.
a) Look friggin’ hot by Gay Pride
b) Look friggin’ hot by Dore Alley Fair. Totally mean it this year.
8. Go to Jumpin’ Java to work on Chapter Eleven.
9. Answer emails instead.
10. Look at jobs and “writing gigs” on Craig’s List. Despair. Vow to become more “proactive” without turning into a “highly effective person.”
11. Go to AA meeting.
12. Drink protein shake.
13. Take Louie for walk.
14. Intend to read Faulkner, but instead watch Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
15. Gaze out window at the lights on the hills. Plan on writing Chapter Eleven tomorrow.
16. Close curtains