Like Bambi

Last night I was walking down Castro St and coming towards me was this incredibly hot guy, and as we got closer we made eye contact, and I decided to hold it just for the hell of it (because even though I’m not very cruisy, I still like to flirt) and as we passed he pursed his lips and made a kissing noise at me and suddenly I felt like a floozie with large breasts or something walking by a construction site and I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it was so ridiculous that I immediately lost interest, walking forward, no glances behind me or anything.

I remember standing in a club in Tampa, of all places, when I was 20 or something, and this hot boy was cruising me but I was getting irritated because he was looking at me like he wanted to kill me; a prey-drive sort of scowl that I see guys do when they are cruising that just doesn’t work for me. I don’t know, call me crazy, but to me the sexiest thing a guy can do when we’re noticing each other is to just smile, maybe laugh to acknowledge the silliness of it all. I can’t take the game too seriously, otherwise it’s like we’re acting out scenarios we’ve picked up from porn movies (not that I’ve seen any).

It’s been almost a year since the end of my relationship, and I’ve been out on maybe three dates. It worries me a bit, wondering if I go too long I won’t know how to do it anymore, but I acknowledge that it’s been a pretty crazy year and I’ve had other, more pressing matters to confront. Lest you think I’m like, desperate or something.

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